The second noble truth tells us that suffering is caused by desire.  Some Buddhist authors like to soften that by changing desire to craving or clinging.  The implication being that some desire is okay as long as we don't take it too far.

And while it's true that craving and clinging certainly accentuate our suffering, we can't ignore the fact that the root cause of our existential pain is desire.

That is to say, that we suffer because we want things we don't have.  And we suffer because we want to keep things that inevitably go away.  

One might argue that desire is a natural part of life, and it is.  But that's why the first noble truth states that suffering is also a natural part of life.  The two go together like peanut butter and jelly.

The more I practice Buddhism, the more I'm fascinated with desire.  

Early in life, I worked really hard to fulfill my desires.  I was convinced that if  just had a bit more money, a better education, or a faster car, then all my problems would be ended.  I'll give you one guess how that turned out.

Next, I discovered Buddhism, and my desires changed.  I didn't want money anymore, I wanted enlightenment.  Of course, no one seemed to know exactly what enlightenment entailed, but all the guys with robes and cool titles like Roshi and Sensei told me that it was great.  

To be fair, my life did get better during this time.  Clearly, some desires are less painful than others.  But as time passed, I felt like there was a hole in my life, one that couldn't be filled by enlightenment.

It's hard to describe this feeling that I had, that I still have in my weaker moments, other than to say I felt like a giant puzzle.  And I was totally complete except for one piece that was missing from the center.

Not having that piece of the puzzle was killing me.

So I searched everywhere for it.  I looked in relationships, I looked in my job, and I spent an inordinate amount of time looking in Buddhist books.  But it was no where to be found.

Then something shifted. Over the course of my meditations I stopped trying to control my thoughts, and I simply observed.  Slowly, I started to realize that my thoughts and emotions are not me.

Anger arises from... somewhere.  And if I allow it, anger passes away.  The same is true of sadness, fear, and even my desire.  

I don't know where this endless wanting comes from; this feeling that things aren't quite right.  But I do know that if I sit with it for a while, neither grasping at it or pushing it away, then the wanting returns to whence it came.  And I'm left with a feeling of peace.

Because there's no missing puzzle piece; no great mystery to solve.  I'm perfect and complete exactly as I am.  The world is perfect and complete exactly as it is.  And my practice is learning to accept that fact regardless of what desire tells me.

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Endless Wanting