We have one hundred chickens on the farm right now. They are Cornish Crosses, a special breed of meat bird that is generally docile, and reaches slaughter weight in approximately eight to ten weeks. One week ago, they were living in a chicken coop. But we recently moved them to a barn which opens into an enclosed pasture. Their new home will provide them with plenty of room to run, grow, and socialize until the day they're sent off for "processing". It was during the transfer process when I felt their scared, squirming bodies in my hands that it hit me, "These chickens are going to die, and it's all my fault". I've spent most of the past week trying to wrap my vegetarian brain around this fact. To be clear, I knew that this would be part of my experience. When I visited www.attra.ncat.org and searched for organic farming internships, the listings were very explicit in terms of what would be expected of me. So how did I end up here?

One of the things that attracted me to Zen practice is it's emphasis on self-reliance. My life and my mind are my responsibility. There is great freedom in bearing full accountability for your life. But at times like this, it can also be painful. By caring for these animals every day, I am complicit in their murder. I have no illusions about that fact. My one consolation, however, is that for every one of these birds that we sell, that is one less chicken that will purchased from a factory farm. The animals that I'm raising don't have their beaks cut, they spend most of their day outside in the open air, and they aren't given growth hormones. Yes, these animals will die for human consumption, but both their lives and their deaths will be better than these factory farmed birds. It's a weak argument, and I wish that I could do better. But the more I walk this path, the more I realize that life rarely gives us perfect answers. It just gives us the moment, and tells us to do our best. With this in mind, I'm going to continue caring for these animals. And when the day comes for them to be butchered, I'll load them onto the truck, hold my hands in gassho on their behalf, and hope that no one can see their blood on my hands.
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